You know, anytime someone starts a sentence with, “Yeah no offense but…”
Well, they’re about to say something meant to offend you.
If you follow me on social media, you may have seen a recent comment where it was suggested that I was pushing a “boy scout” attitude about police work in the current environment. This follower suggested that this new world is pushing every officer into being an “internal affairs mole” and that politicians and the media are hanging cops for fun. He then mentioned he had 7 days left before he left the job.
I’ve never been sure where or why the “boy scout” stereotype became synonymous with being a goody-two shoes but I’ll leave that for another email.
His comment came on a post about a simple concept. How our thoughts become words, how our words become beliefs, how beliefs become actions and actions become character – so we should be careful what we think about.
In a way, his comment sort of proves my point.
However, it’s a valid criticism. The last thing I want to do is be out here pimping toxic positivity (yes, that’s a real thing, not just a ‘woke’ thing).So I reviewed some recent posts to see if I was unintentionally pushing positivity.
Nope, no positivity found.
But a lot of optimism.
So, what’s the difference you ask?
Positivity is a behavior – one that becomes toxic when we ignore reality and only focus on the “good” things in our life while ignoring the bad.
Optimism is a belief – a belief that, although tough times are unquestionably here and the path forward remains unclear, we will find the solution. It may not be the one we think is obvious, and it may require some adaptation, but the solution is out there.
The future doesn’t belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. – Ronald Reagan
Are We Fooling Ourselves?
Optimism is one of the greatest achievements of homo sapiens. The ability to have the cognitive function that allows us to see beyond our immediate surroundings and anticipate a future is what separates us from most animals. Having an optimistic assumption about the future is really just a matter of survival.
Yes, optimism is a survival mechanism.
Consider our caveman ancestors. They had to hunt for food, find shelter, fight off saber-tooth tigers and find a mate. All challenging in their own right and when combined, made for a pretty difficult life.
So what gave the cavemen the intrinsic motivation to keep going?
Optimism.
In fact, humans have been shown to have an optimism bias – a tendency to anticipate a sunny disposition to life’s demands as we overestimate our abilities and underestimate any obstacles.
For example, despite the fact that 50% of all marriages fail, if you ask any couple on their wedding day what their chances are of ending up in divorce court, they’ll tell you that it won’t happen to them.
So despite all the evidence that suggests they have a high likelihood of divorce, their bias has convinced them that they won’t be affected.
So why do I say this is a survival mechanism?
Consider this.
If you are a hungry caveman out on the hunt, in need of shelter, and without a mate, life must seem pretty grim.
The work is hard. It’s thankless. It seems overwhelming at times. You would have to ask yourself, ‘Is it worth it to keep going? Why am I working so hard? This should be easier!”
If you are a modern human looking for a mate, navigating social media and a 24/7 news cycle, trying to buy a house, and succeed in a career that is literally facing the vitriol of the world right now, you would have to ask yourself, “Is it worth it to keep going? Why am I working so hard? This should be easier!”
If we were born with a pessimistic bias, we’d all give up without throwing back the warm mastodon-skin blanket (or the modern equivalent).
The optimism bias is what keeps us putting one foot in front of the other on the belief that a better outcome is inevitable. Without a belief that outcomes will be positive, and that the future will be bright, we are left with the stark belief that life is nothing but suffering.
But success is not always inevitable, is it? It’s never set in stone that things will work out for the best.
And that is why it’s called an optimism bias.
Hence, the stereotype of the boy scout. The overly cheery, bright-eyed person who can’t see the impending doom of real life.
Obviously, that’s not the ideal we’re shooting for here.
Bunny Lebowski: “Uli doesn’t care about anything. He’s a nihilist.”
The Dude: “Ah, that must be exhausting!”
It turns out that even though a bias towards positive outcomes may hinder our ability to objectively see the challenges around us, it is this exact trait that makes people happier (no shock there) and healthier.
But perhaps the most important aspect of optimism is how it builds our resilience.
Optimists are far more likely to address the adversity they face. They are better able to identify goals and then achieve them. Optimists are sought out as leaders and people look to those who have a belief in what they are doing. Optimists are better able to identify what they can and cannot control, and then focus their efforts on what they can do.
Conversely, for a pessimist, why would you bother setting goals if failure or suffering was obvious? Pessimists give up their control of a situation and place the obligation on external factors or people. They often obsess about things outside their control and give excessive blame to those things as negatively impacting their lives.
Sound familiar?
Who do we blame for the problems we’re facing right now? Admin, the media, politicians, internal affairs, other cops, a confrontational public…and on and on and on.
Did they cause some of these problems? Yes.
Did they cause all of these problems? Of course not.
Did we cause some of these problems? Yes.
Did we cause all of these problems? Of course not.
“Pessimism and optimism are slammed up against each other in my records, the tension between them is where it’s all at, it’s what lights the fire.” – Bruce Springsteen
So what choice do we have?
Anyone who has an optimistic nature will inevitably confront a situation that challenges those traits. You can’t avoid these dilemmas in life. They’re abundant.
As a cop, they happen on a daily – if not hourly basis.
But don’t deny that it is a choice.
For anyone who’s chosen to be a pessimist, I feel for you.
You’re going to work in a negative environment in a self-induced negative spiral influenced by external factors you have no control over.
If you feel your leadership, city management or community doesn’t support you and you choose to leave the profession, there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, you’re controlling what you can control by leaving.
But if you choose to stay, and choose to bring with you an attitude of determined resignation, anger, cynicism, and hopelessness…
Well, then you’re part of the problem.
We all know the salty vet. Some of us are the salty vet. I’ve been the salty vet!
That person is no fun to be around, and nobody wants to follow that person.
Pessimism is really nothing more than a defense mechanism. We close down and put all responsibility on the outside world. In doing so, we get to forgo any responsibility for our situation.
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius
Optimism requires courage.
It requires responsibility.
But it’s worth it.
Optimism as a Perishable Skill
It turns out that the psychological literature routinely finds that optimism can be taught or developed – that your mindset is never set in stone. This should be encouraging to those who struggle with it but also a warning sign that it can slip away as well without routine maintenance. There are simple things we can do to increase our optimism.
Here are some things that have worked for me:
- Be Careful With What You Allow Into Your Brain
Watch any news channel for more than a few minutes and you’ll find evidence that the world is ending before the next commercial break. Scroll any social media and you’ll find additional proof – along with excessive messages about how you’re not smart enough, ripped enough, or attractive enough. Choose carefully what and who you follow.
2. Choose Friends Who Make You Better
It’s often said that you are the average of the five people closest to you. Is that a passing C average, a head of the class A average, or a failing F. You rise and fall to the level of the people around you. Choose up.
3. Acknowledge Your Fears, Then Create a Plan
Tim Ferris has an excellent blog post and TED talk on Fear Setting. Once we’ve named the fear, it loses much of its power over us. We can then create a plan to overcome that obstacle. Without a plan, we remain frozen and keep that power of control over something external.
4. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude really does take practice. You can’t feel grateful once and then suddenly feel it all the time. But, there’s simple things we can do to cultivate gratitude. Something like the 5-Minute Journal is great but simply taking a moment each morning to identify a few things can really shift our mindset towards abundance – and abundance and optimism are closely related.
5. Exercise Often
As someone who has a poor track record of consistent exercise, I feel a disclaimer must be presented on this one. That said, I have found regular intense exercise – like everyday – even for short periods, produces a much needed clarity and endorphin boost. It’s no surprise either. Pessimism is a bedfellow to anxiety and depression. The endorphins produced by exercise are the neurochemicals responsible for feelings of happiness. It’s hard to be pessimistic and happy at the same time.
6. Learn to Breathe
Yes, I know you’re capable of breathing but have you developed the skill of learning your breath? What’s the hippy California cop talking about? Here’s a drill: Throughout your day, whether you’re feeling good, bad, mad, sad, anxious or relaxed, bring attention to your breath. Is it shallow or deep? Does it stop in your chest or are you breathing deep into your belly? To combat the hyper-vigilance we all experience, we need to engage our parasympathetic nervous system – the part of us that helps us calm down after a threat or stressful event. The best way to do this is to take deep long breaths that oxygenate the body. Box-breathing, tactical breathing, meditation, whatever you want to call it to make yourself feel good about it, I don’t care. But get used to following your breath. It produces calm, which provides clarity, which opens the doors to action.
7. Confront Negative Self-Talk
We all hold assumptions about ourselves that are often wildly inaccurate. These assumptions rarely work out in our favor. Everywhere we go, our harshest critic is with us. We can’t shake them because they live within us. That’s not a lot of fun. Our choice is whether we listen to them or not. We would never speak to another loved one the way we sometimes speak to ourselves. So, when those thoughts come up, stop and ask yourself, “is this really true?” If not, you can begin to change how you talk to yourself. If it is true, you can begin to change how you act, which will affect your beliefs about yourself. When we cant see the light in our own life, it’s hard to see it in a world that seems dark all around us.
“My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud. – Henry Rollins”
The key point that I must emphasize here is that optimism doesn’t minimize or suggest that conflict or obstacles don’t exist.
Defunding
Assaults and ambushes
Politicians Throwing Us Under the Bus
Armchair Quarterbacking from the Public
Aggressive and Confrontational Citizens
Biased Media Reports
They all exist. They are very real.
There is no doubt that it is harder to be a cop than ever before.
Easily.
Hands Down.
No Question.
Not Even Close.
Which is why we need optimism now more than ever.
Not Positivity.
Not Blind Faith.
Not Delusions of Inevitable Success
…and certainly not pessimism.
Just courageous optimism. A closely held belief that a solution exists and that although we may not know the answer yet, the answer will appear if we continue to look, and that answer will always be within our control.
So really, it doesn’t seem like there’s much choice at all. The alternative is no alternative at all.
So, back to that suggestion of a Boy Scout attitude.
I was never a Scout. However, my son has been one for several years. When he joined, we had to work hard to memorize the Scout’s Oath.
It says:
“On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.”
Sounds like it was written by an optimist.